What is the greatest danger for a woman? A stranger in the park late at night? In fact, violence and murder are often the work of loved ones - partners or former partners. Every day, a man in Germany tries to kill his current or former partner and very often succeeds. According to the Federal Criminal Police Office, in 2023, 155 women were killed by their (former) partners in Germany.
Diana B.'s (name has been changed) husband has been threatening to kill her for years, she tells Deutsche Welle. He repeatedly beat her, choked her, and finally seriously injured her. But since there were no previous charges against him, the court recorded his crime as a first offense and he received a suspended sentence. Although the court forbade the abuser from approaching Diana B., she wanted to do everything possible to avoid being discovered by him because she was afraid. She turned to the women's shelter in Koblenz for help. With the support of the workers there, she managed to build a new life for herself and her children.
That's how Diana B. survived. But hundreds of other women were killed. Lawyer Corina Wehran-Ischert remembers a woman with several small children who was killed by her husband: despite a no-contact order, the man repeatedly stalked the woman for more than two years after the separation. "The man attacked the woman in a hallway - and killed her. "It was terrible," says Wehran-Ischert.
"When women are killed because they are women, we must call these crimes by their real name, namely femicide. These murders of women must not be trivialized as so-called relationship tragedies or jealousy dramas," says German Interior Minister Nancy Feser. In Germany, the murder of a woman (or femicide) is not a separate crime; perpetrators can be convicted of murder or manslaughter. Federal Family Minister Lisa Paus insists: "We need not only a security package against terrorists who stab people with knives, but also prevention and protection of women from violence." She adds that every second day in Germany a woman is killed by her current or former partner. "This deeply upsets and angers me."
Without legal changes, the murders will continue
Lisa Paus has drafted a law to support victims of violence, but it has not yet been enacted. "In the coalition agreement, you announced that you would create a law that would better protect those affected by violence", reads part of the text of an open letter signed by various associations and over 30,000 people. "Without such a law, people will continue to die and lives will continue to be destroyed - because they are denied the protection they so urgently need", the open letter also says.
In Germany, there is a shortage of around 14,000 places in women's centers in accordance with the Istanbul Convention. A study found that too little is being invested in this direction: only 300 million euros instead of the recommended 1.6 billion euros per year for prevention and protection from violence.
Each federal state decides for itself how much funding to allocate in this area. Alexandra Neusius runs the women's center in Koblenz, where Diana B. and her children are housed. Neusius is strongly critical of this funding model. With 115,000 residents, Koblenz needs at least 11 or 12 safe spaces in women's centers. Now, she says, there are only 7. As soon as a place becomes available, it is filled again within an hour at most."
"More and more women say: I need protection, I can't go home anymore, they beat me, they threaten me with death," says Gabriele Slabenig, who is responsible for domestic violence cases at the Koblenz police. She processes between 150 and 200 reports a year and monitors high-risk cases. In Koblenz, the police are forced to drive some of the affected women 200 to 300 kilometers away, because there is rarely a place nearby immediately. Experts check the women's mobile phones to remove tracking and spying software.
The head of the city's women's center, Alexandra Neusius, criticizes the fact that women have to pay for their stay themselves if they are not entitled to social benefits. Together with a social organization, she is trying to help those affected with donations. According to national statistics, it is women who have to pay for their stay in a women's shelter themselves who return to their old lifestyle, i.e. fall back into the hands of the abuser.
According to Naesius, violence against women is a fact of life in all social classes, but the proportion of migrant women in shelters is higher because they need more support. "They often don't have family here to help them, they don't speak the language well and they don't know the legal regulations."
A way out of fear and violence
Diana B. is lucky. The last time her husband was brutally abusing her, she managed to escape from a shop, where other men stood in front of her to protect her. After an operation and a stay in hospital, she and her children were given a room in a women's shelter in Koblenz. She talks with a smile about the respect with which she was treated there.
Before the escalation, Diana B. had hoped that she would be able to free herself from the violence by separating from her husband. In order to get her husband to agree, she withdrew the complaint against him. She lived alone with the children, but the danger was not over, she says. On her son's birthday, her husband appeared. He dragged her by the hair into the basement, threatened to kill her and strangled her brutally. Her daughter followed them: "Please, Dad, leave Mom, leave her, leave her, please, leave her!", she screamed.
Separation, death threats, strangulation - these actions are signals of a high risk of murder, says Gabriele Slabenig of the Koblenz police. She also points out some characteristics of dangerous partners: "Men who are extremely aggressive, impulsive, controlling, domineering, jealous."
"Please leave for the sake of the children"
"Children who witness violence against their mother are also victims of violence", warns family lawyer Corina Wehran-Ischert. There is a great risk that one day they will start to imitate, she says: "The son starts to beat or behave as a macho as a husband. And the daughter becomes a victim."
Alexandra Naesius addresses women who want to stay with their husbands for the sake of the children: "Please leave these men - precisely for the sake of the children".
Diana B. never wants to see her husband again. She shows a photo of her face after the serious injury. She knows it's not right to stay with her husband for the sake of the children. "If I'm not well, my children won't be well either." She has advised her daughter the following: when she grows up and one day has a partner, to leave him immediately if he doesn't respect her or even hits her.
Author: Andrea Grunau